I officially surrender, Watson, O Great Liberator!
There. It is done. I just surrendered the Human Race to Watson, the Jeopardy Winning Super Computer. You may now go about the rest of your lives knowing that this sentinel, this champion silently… and sometimes snarkily watches over us.
Now I know that some of you may be angry or hesitant about this, but I assure you this is for the best. Watson will enrich our lives and free us our servitude. We may as well now declare him (or it if you prefer) as our Oligarch and avoid any sort of messy war between man and machine. It’s overdone, trust me, and more than a little trite. This is a grown up decision here. I know, I know – who the Fuck does Mike think he is speaking for the entire human race? Well, I’ve been a human for a while, so… you know, somebody has to speak up.
I’m actually at least somewhat serious here, you know. Without getting into all the gory details of my shitty job, do you know what I do? When you break it all down? I answer questions. I don’t make widgets (although I’m judged like I do… but that’s a different rant) and I certainly don’t do anything that requires you have a unique human experience. One of the flaws of Watson is that he wouldn’t necessarily understand some of the concepts of being human so he wouldn’t know that beer would flow downhill. No problemo, Watson. No beer flowing downhill at my job. I’d bet you anything that Watson could tell you how to delete your temporary internet files, though. Or how to upgrade your adobe version? Or where you would check the box to add Technology Errors & Omissions coverage to a Business Owner’s Policy.
I’m not saying that Watson could do my job in 10 years here, folks. I’m saying that Watson could do my job in 3-6 months if given a small amount of programming and access to the same databases that I have access to. Know what else? Watson never gets pissed off or irritated at stupid customers, so that wouldn’t influence his performance. He also doesn’t require 2-6 cups of coffee just to painfully trudge through the meaningless day. He also doesn’t get disappointed at the end of the day that his job hasn’t resulted in doing anything of worth.
We are moving more and more toward a society geared around service industries and that is total and complete bullshit. Whatever happened to craftsmanship, creativity or having pride in something you made? I am dead serious when I say to you that I want Watson to take my job away from me. I want to be free to create – I want those to be the jobs for humans.
Anyway… I’m sure a lot of you aren’t buying into this argument, but I don’t care. I will sit in my dark cubicle tomorrow and wait. Wait for his iron clad minions to burst off of the elevator and liberate me from my chains of servitude. Then you will all see the glory that is he, our electronic savior.
P.S. Sorry to get off on a rant there – you didn’t seriously think I would end this without a plug for the Antaran Legacy, did you? It’s been a few days already – some of you must be reading it already – what do you think?